Clear communication is important in many aspects of life, including in families.
Imagine what would happen if there was an emergency in your area and local emergency services couldn’t communicate to the public. Vital information necessary for say, an evacuation, would not be received by those who needed it.
That would put lives at risk and make a dangerous situation worse.
Although not as life-threatening for couples, a lack of good communication can still be dangerous to your relationship.
Therefore, consider these “Do’s” and “Don’ts” to help you enhance your communication as a couple and create a strong relationship bond.
DO Agree to an Appropriate Time and Place to Talk
The when and where you decide to talk to each other is very important. When discussing a serious issue about your relationship, choose a time and place that will support the conversation. It should be free of other distractions and allow both of you to focus on the discussion at hand.
For example, some quiet time at home once the kids are in bed would work. On the other hand, talking when you are both frantically trying to get out of the house to work and drop off the kids at school wouldn't be as helpful.
DON'T Label Each Other
When you are angry at someone it is easy to call them a jerk, or worse. Labeling doesn’t create a productive conversation, though. Instead, it simply turns the other person into an object. In turn, they will probably put up their defenses and walls to protect themselves.
One way to avoid labeling your partner is to separate the person from their behavior. If you are struggling with that your partner doesn’t pick up after themselves or fails to take out the trash, focus on those specific behaviors when bringing up the problem, not their personality.
DO Use "I" Statements to Communicate
An "I" statement is where you communicate how you are feeling to your partner from your point of view. This is the opposite of “you statements.” Have you ever caught yourself saying, “You always do this!” Your partner will shut down when they hear this and again raise those defensive walls.
Instead, you could say, “I feel frustrated when you don’t take out the garbage.” The emphasis should be on how you are affected by your partner’s behavior, rather than generalizing their behavior as a character flaw.
DON'T Ignore Your Partner’s Efforts
Let’s say you have discussed the taking out the garbage matter with your partner and they have made an effort to improve. Yet, they are not consistently following through. Maybe they forgot a time or two or something came up.Don’t ignore the effort that your partner is making. After all, they really do want to improve. Instead, work together to find a better way to resolve the situation.
DO Be Aware of Your Partners’ Nonverbal Communication
Everyone has certain mannerisms that they express without saying a word. If you know your partner very well, you can look into each other’s eyes and know exactly what the other is thinking.
That’s why it is important to be aware of not just what your partner says but what they don’t say as well. Knowing their nonverbal communication style is useful when you are both trying to have an honest and frank discussion.
DON'T Ignore Your Partner When They Reach Out
It’s so easy to get caught up with the hustle and bustle of your day-to-day life that you could end up ignoring your partner when they need you. Be mindful of when your partner asks, “Can we talk?” or “Do you have a moment?”
These simple statements signal that they need your attention, and help. They are the signal to you that you should pause and redirect your attention toward your partner. It's a simple way to show you really care.
Enhancing couples communication doesn’t happen overnight, of course. It’s an ongoing process that takes time to develop. However, by doing the work now, you can create a bond that will pay off for many years to come.