Anxiety and the Soothing Impact of Mindfulness...

Almost a year into a devastating pandemic, the level of constant anxiety felt by many of us is much higher than our previous day-to-day. The stress that used to surround a busy life of breakfast tables, school parking lots, commuter traffic, meetings, deadlines, after school activities, dinner, homework, and bedtime, was a level to which we had grown accustomed. However, as our comfortable – albeit busy – world came to a screeching halt, last spring, many of us faced a momentous shift. We artfully transformed the breakfast table into a hub of remote learning, and video conference calls. Without the former hustle and bustle, however, we were left to consider the fragility of our lives, as the death toll rose week after week. As resilient creatures, we adapted. As with any crisis, we learned to carry on as best as we could. For the essential workers among us, that meant donning our face masks and powering on with a new and disquieting suspicion of those going about their business around us. For others, that meant having the privilege to take refuge in our houses, but learning to be fearful of what lies beyond our home, and what news reports will tell us next. No matter the Coronavirus scenario in which you find yourself, most likely you have felt the ever-growing – and now ever-present – buzz of anxiety that comes with long-term crisis and trauma.

For thousands of years, mindfulness has been utilized to ground the participant in the current moment in order to combat the stressors of ongoing crisis. With roots in ancient Buddhist meditation, the practice can help release you from the constant winding worries, and return you to the present moment with a sense of calm. How can we use mindfulness to help us to break the anxious cycle in which we find ourselves? First, let us define it:

Psychology Today states, “mindfulness is a state of active, open attention to the present.” They go on to explain that, “to live mindfully is to live in the moment and reawaken oneself to the present, rather than dwelling on the past or anticipating the future.” (CITATION?). The next step in mindful living is to view your thoughts objectively, rather than passing judgment. Easier said than done, right? There are so many valuable sources of information which allow you to dive deeply into the concept of mindfulness and mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR); however, here are some tips to begin living mindfully:

1)     Internal Focus: When you begin to feel yourself entering a cycle of anxiety, allow your mind to focus on one specific stimulus. For many reasons, the breath is often used as the point of focus. Slow, steady, breaths are shown to calm your heartrate, and steady the nerves. Allow your breath to expand your belly (rather than your chest) and honor it with your undivided attention. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. It may help you to maintain your focus if you have a narrative of gratitude in your mind. As the breath fills you, and calms you, imagine you are breathing out gratitude for the air which supports you. Allow this gratitude to fill the room with each breath. 

2)     External Focus: Especially in moments of acute distress, it can help to pull our focus away from our thoughts and into the space around us. A helpful exercise is to name 4 things you can see - and look at them, 3 things you can touch - and touch them, 2 things you can hear – and listen for them, and 1 thing you can smell – breathe it in. 

3)     Mindfulness meditations: In this technological time, there are many sources of guided meditations at our finger-tips at no cost. Try YouTube, Spotify, or other streaming services, or ask us for recommendations. Introducing a mindfulness meditation into your routine, can be a wonderful way to honor your desire for calm by dedicating a time in your schedule for it.

These tips are appropriate for any moment in time, let alone during pandemic times. 

However, in the last few months, there have been times that we have been so perpetually isolated, obediently socially distant if you will, that when something forces us out of our house it leads to a great deal of stress. The fear of contagion is so great, and not unreasonable, that once we are safely at home again, we recount every gloved movement.  Every interaction is re-examined to see if we were closer than six feet to a dutiful clerk or teller. In the following days, every time we clear our throat we fret – was that a cough?

I sooth myself with my fourth and final exercise: In this moment, I am okay. 

4)     I remind myself that it is natural to fear this invisible threat. Using the mindfulness approach, we can begin to practice not judging our thoughts and emotions. I have done all that I can, and in this moment I am okay. I cannot predict what is to come, but in this moment I am okay. It does not matter if you are working from home, an essential worker, or even are fearful because you have contracted the virus, the exercise of accepting your thoughts as they are, and being grateful for this moment in which you are okay, helps to harness calm. 

Mindfulness is a valuable tool which, even at the beginner level, can bring much needed calm into your day. The suggestions I give are only four of many examples of utilizing a mindfulness-based method of fighting against anxiety.

Remember, as the pandemic drags on ahead of us, to give yourself grace if anxiety finds you more than it usually does. You are being asked to process a lot of change, and a lot of fear. In this moment you are doing your best, and in this moment you are okay. 

Parenting in COVID... You are not alone!

Children/Teens/Parenting: Parental Burnout: You are NOT Alone

             Parenting can prove difficult under “normal” circumstances… so, the potential for parental burnout during a pandemic is likely. This post aims to provide signs to be aware of, as well as strategies to help prevent or mitigate parental burnout. 

What is Parental Burnout?

            Firstly, it is essential to understand exactly what burnout is. Most of the time, the term ‘burnout’ is utilized when speaking of work burnout. In this domain, it is largely the same idea. Parental burnout can be defined as, a state of emotional, physical, and mental fatigue caused by extreme stress. It can become triggered when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands (Queen & Harding, 2020). Does this sound familiar?? 

Associated Symptomology

            In order to further identify burnout and the effects of burnout, there are several symptoms worth mentioning. To begin, burnout can appear in the form of extreme physical or mental exhaustion (as mentioned above). With these two extremes comes associated symptomology. These include but are not limited to:

Difficulty sleeping 

Decreased ability to concentrate 

Emotional detachment 

Anxiety 

Depression

Increased addictive behaviors (over/under eating, increased alcohol use, increased drug use, etc.)

Irritability

Frustration

Increased tension and conflict between partners  

Feelings of inadequacy 

Higher risk of violent behaviors

Numbness 

(“Newport Academy”, n.d.).

Let’s Dive Deeper: What is the Root Cause of Parental Burnout?

Although it was rarely talked about, parental burnout was first studied over 30 years ago. Since then, the concept has become much more widely known and studied. Although parental burnout can often be associated with outside stressors (work, relationship conflict, caring for older parents, and so forth), it can also be triggered by parenting directly. According to the research today, the root cause of parental burnout stems from a discrepancy between the demands and the rewards of parenting. In other words, although parenting brings challenges, if the positive aspects of parenting do not outweigh the negative aspects, the potential for burnout increases. Surprisingly, the chances for, and occurrences of burnout is relatively high. In one particular study of 2,000 parents, 63 percent reported feeling symptoms of parental burnout. That means more than half of the parents felt burnout in some form. Luckily, although the probability of parental burnout is high, there are ways to counteract and prevent it (“Newport Academy”, n.d.). 

Therefore, if you have felt parental burnout, or are feeling it currently, below is a list of ways that people have found helped or a relief from burnout symptomology: 

Reach out for help: find a professional who can help you, a close friend, a family member, a co-worker, and so forth… 

Understand you are not alone: times are extremely trying, and as one study reflected, 63 percent of parents experience burnout! You are not alone. 

Allow self-love and compassion: remind yourself that you are doing the best you can. 

Find others that are also experiencing what you are (this could take the form of a support group, a Facebook group, a few close friends, etc.)

Find structure: finding more structure in your life can provide comfort and relief. 

Lean on your significant other and family 

Resilience: know that you are strong and able to build your resilience in times of difficulty.  

Support your mood: exercise and a healthy diet can increase mood and provide more energy.

(Smith et al., 2020)

Let’s Summarize 

            The main takeaway from this post is simple… parental burnout is a common occurrence. Therefore, if you are experiencing it, have experienced it, or are afraid you are beginning to experience it, reread this post! There is help available, research available, and an individual going through the exact same thing. For more resources and information, there are several resources linked below. Also, do not hesitate to reach out to Couples and Family Counseling Center. 

Resources

https://www.vox.com/22060380/covid-parents-burnout-schools-closed-kids-pandemic

https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

https://www.nationalparenthelpline.org/find-support

References:

Identifying Signs and Symptoms of Parental Burnout. (2019, December 10). Retrieved January 15, 2021, from https://dailyvoice.com/new-york/nassau/lifestyle/identifying-signs-and-symptoms-of-parental-burnout/771258/

Smith, M., M.A, Segal, J., Ph.D., & Robinson, L. (n.d.). Burnout Prevention and Treatment. Retrieved January 15, 2021, from https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/burnout-prevention-and-recovery.htm#:~:text=Burnout%20is%20a%20state%20of,unable%20to%20meet%20constant%20demands.

Queen, D., & Harding, K. (2020). Societal pandemic burnout: A COVID legacy. International 

wound journal, 17(4), 873–874. https://doi.org/10.1111/iwj.13441